Have I found the motivation yet?

I have been trying to find the motivation to start working out again ever since I moved. I have started a couple of times and it never lasted more than a workout or two. Well, today I am trying again. My equipment is much more limited than it was in the past. I pretty much have a few kettlebells and a couple of fixed dumbbells. No more adjustable dumbbells, no more barbells and no more fancy cardio equipment (not that I used those torture devices anyways!). But kettlebells are amazingly versatile so I should be fine for a while.

Now I just need to maintain the motivation!

Today's workout consisted of KB swings (double and alternating), KB snatches, renegade rows and sun salutations. Now I need a nap!

Six Months are Up!

Back in January I decided that I was not going to actively try to lose any more weight for six months. I was getting really burnt out on the process after a year and a half and felt I needed a break. After losing over 100 pounds my body probably needed a break as well! So I decided to maintain my current weight and step back my workouts considerably for six months. So for the last six months I have been following an expanded IF program (12/12) and maintained an active lifestyle through hooping and poi.

So six months have past. I have successfully maintained my weight although I think I have lost a little LBM, but not much. AND, it was really easy to do. So now the question remains. How much do I still want to lose and how do I want to go about doing it?

According to those pesky government endorsed BMI charts I still need to loose 45 pounds to be in the mid range of "normal". Honestly, I'm not sure I want to lose 45 pounds. I don't think I want to be that skinny! Twenty-six pounds will put me at the top range of normal so I think I will shoot for that and go from there. Not that I am caught up with BMI charts. I think they are ridiculous and don't take very important factors into account, namely existing lean body mass. But number are easy to measure so I will take them for what they are worth (not much) and use them as I see fit...

I will be moving back to an 8/16 IF regime and steping up my workouts. I won't be working out to the extent I was before. Right now I am looking at continuing my daily Sun Salutations but slowing them down considerably (it really is amazing how much harder they are REALLY slow) and incorporating kettlebells back into the mix! Of course I will keep up with the hooping and poi and my general active lifestyle.

April measurements

My last measurements were on Jan 29th.

Waist 37
Hip 43 1/4
Bust 41
Chest 34
Thigh L&R 22 1/2
Calf L&R 13 1/2
Upperarm L&R 14 1/2
Forearm L&R 11
Wrist 6 1/4
Neck 14

BF% 33
Weight 183

Most of my measurements have gone up and considering the way I have been eating I am not surprised!!! LOL

April 13, 2009

Waist 37
Hip 44.5 (+1.25)
Bust 42 (+1)
Chest 34.5 (+.5)
Thigh L 23.5 (+1) &R 23.75 (+1.25)
Calf L&R 13.75 (+.5)
Upperarm L&R 14 1/2 (unchanged)
Forearm L&R 11.25 (+.5)
Wrist 6 1/4
Neck 14

BF% 33.8 (+.8)
Weight 185 (+2)

Break time is over...

I have been taking a little diet break since the beginning of the year. I hit a size 12 around then and over all very happy where I was. I still am very happy where I am but I think it is time to get back in the groove and set my next goal.

My BMI is currently at a 29 and I would like to see it come down to a 25. Now no one out there go thinking that I suddenly have some new found love for BMI charts. I still think they are the most ridiculous and damaging things to come out of government health initiatives since the food pyramid. (Yeah, I think that sucks too!) However, goals need numbers and instead of pulling something out of my ass I am going to use something that people can relate too.

At a BMI of 25 I will still be considered overweight. I am a size 12 now. I imagine I will be a size 8 25 pounds lighter. Although I hope not. I really don't think my frame can support a size 8. We will have to see.

Today I am back to my tried and true LC/IF combination. I always feel great and am super productive on this plan so what's to loose!! Well, except the obvious! The difference this time around will be the workout. I am really over the whole hypertrophy type plans. This time I am keeping it short and sweet. Push-ups and kettlebells. Not working out for more than 15 minutes a day. Then on top of that, my hula hooping will add that extra cardio and core component.

My biggest challenge over the next few weeks will be my camping trip at the end of the month. LC is really hard to do with no refrigeration! Luckily the IF component allows me some leeway and I will be drumming and hooping all weekend so there will be plenty of calories burned! LOL Maybe I will take a kettlebell too!

OK, I am off to take measurements. I haven't doen that in a while. I know a few have gone up but I will be interested to see which!!

12 Levels of Hell - Level 2

I completely wimped out on my lower body today. That probably has something to do with the insane amount furniture i moved around today. Oh and the mopping and the....You get the idea!

Upper Body:

incline bench - 20# each (increase 5lbs. next time)
bent row - 57# (increase 5lbs. next time)
shoulder press - 15# KB (increase to 20# KB next time)
pullover - 25# KB (stay the same)
diamond push-ups (I SUCK at these)
high pull - 25# KB (that is the heaviest KB I have so this will have to stay the same for the time being)

Lower Body: (I only made it through 3 sets of these today!)

A2G front squats - 15# KB (increase to 20# next time)
deadlift - 112# (stay the same)

12 Levels of Hell - Level 1

Wondering what the 12 levels of hell are?? That would be the 12 block hypertrophy program I just started. DAMN I am sore. Good thing I like a little pain and think lift heavy is fun!!!

Here are my stats for block 1:

Upper Body:
DB incline bench press - 20lb DBs (weight is good, will increase in block 3)
Bent BB row - 52lb (increase weight 5lbs next time)
DB shoulder press - 15lb DBs (weight limited by lower back, no increase)
Pullover - 20lb KB (increase to 25lb KB next time)
Bench - 40lb (increase 5lbs next time, lack of spotter is going to become an issue real quick!)
high pull - 52lb (weight was too high and my boobs get in the way, next time I am switching to single arm high pulls with 25lb KB)

Lower Body:
A2G Front Squat - 15lb KB (weight is good, need to concentrate on not GMing out of the bottom)
Deadlift - 1RM 127lb (that weight SUCKS but I will get it back up!), 112lbs (weight good, increase in block 3)

On a positive note..

I am no longer obese.

How screwed up are the BMI charts that at 5'7 and a size 12 and am JUST 6 pounds shy of being considered obese? And still considered quite over weight!! No wonder people have screwed up body image!!!!!

For a little perspective... In high school I was 130 pounds and a size 10. That gave me a BMI of 20.4. That is on the low to mid end of the Healthy BMI range. Now, just ONE dress size bigger I have a BMI of 28.7. SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?!

Where O where to go next???

I haven't been blogging much about fitness lately and there is a not so good reason. I am wandering aimlessly trying to figure out where to go next.

On one hand I am still considered over weight. Between 23 and 55 pounds depending on what chart you look at. On the other hand I have reached my goal. My goal was always a size 12. I was a size 10 in high school and I was a scrawny little thing. I figured 12 with better body composition would be perfect. The thing is, I figured a size 12 would put me in the 140ish range. So do I keep on the weight loss road or do I step off and venture to more sports specific stuff, strength, hypertrophy, yogi????

The problem with the weight loss road is that I truly don't think I want to lose another 40 pounds. How tiny would I be? I am a tall girl. I carry my weight well. I don't think I want to get any smaller. But body composition??.......

What I would like is to be able to see the muscles that I have. Which means a fat loss program. The next problem is, I don't want to do a fat loss program. I already do LC and IF. Fat loss is sort of a given. I think that is pretty evident in the fact that I have only lost 10 pounds since Thanksgiving but I have gone from a 16 to a 12. Fat loss programs are hard on me. My body does not like them! Touch finish!! (That's 'been there, done that' to those of you that aren't up on your ASL idioms!)

So that leaves me with sports specific, strength and hypertrophy.

Since I need overall strength, sport specific isn't really an option.

Between strength and hypertrophy, I choose hypertrophy. It boils down to me liking the program better. The only problem I see with hypertrophy is eating. I am not a big eater. I have to make myself eat most days. That is part of the reason I like the LC and IF combo. I eat one or two meals a day of seriously calorie dense foods. I average around 1600 calories a day. I suppose by adding a high cal protein shake on workout days will solve that problem.

So I guess this long rambly post (I seem to have a lot of those lately) has lead me to the following decision...

Start a hypertrophy program, continuing my current LC/IF diet to continue fat loss and adding a calorie dense protein shake on workout days to address the extra calorie needs. My goals are not to loose weight. I am in maintenance/muscle building mode.

As for the specific hypertrophy program, I am doing a basic 5X5 hypertrophy program with a Upper/Lower Body split. AND, I am not interested in ANY well meaning 'fitness experts' telling me that upper/lower splits are stupid.

Health and Fitness

I seem to be neglecting the Health and Fitness side of my blogging since the switch over. So today I am going to go back to the basics and post a training log and a food diary. I have hesitated to jump on the photo food diary bandwagon. Mainly because I hate bandwagons!!! Not to mention it seems that everyone is doing one but I am going to bore you with one for a couple of days or until I get bored with it.

I figure today is as good a time as any since I am switching back to a more strength oriented exercise program. I have been in fat loss and flexibility mode for a while but I can never stay there too long.

Now for the boring measurements:

Waist 37
Hip 43 1/4
Bust 41
Chest 34
Thigh L&R 22 1/2
Calf L&R 13 1/2
Upperarm L&R 14 1/2
Forearm L&R 11
Wrist 6 1/4
Neck 14

BF% 33
Weight 183

Now for the fun part, the workout:

I am going back to a strength program but I am going to keep it wicked basic. Squats, Deads, Push-ups and Kettlebell Snatches.

Because of my knee issues I will keep squats to body weight only but will do full range of motion. I will keep my stance slightly wider than is considered 'correct'. I have found that to be the best stance for my knees and considering I am a woman with wide hips it makes sense. At least to me!! LOL

Deads will be regular ole deadlift, none of those weird varitions.

Push-ups will be incline. I had worked up to regulation push-ups but my shoulder did not like that. So for the sake of not breaking myself I am going to work on incline for now. I will probably do a set or two of renegade rows to make up for the abs!

KB snatches will be with my heaviest bell which, at the moment, is 25 pounds. I am hoping to be able to afford a heavier one soon. Man those things are expensive!!!

So there is is folks. Plain and simple!

They say it is good to remind yourself how far you have come...

I guess a picture is worth a thousand words. Or in this case 100 pounds!!!

Based on the date on that picture, I am not even at my heaviest there! YIKES!!!!!!!!

Hey but on a good note, I found another picture of my grandmother. Granted she has a camera over her face. (Where did she get that from anyways?? She didn't own a camera!!!!)

The scale is a poor measure of progress....

For those of you that are regular readers of my mindless ramblings, especially of my old health and fitness blog, this will sound familiar.

The scale, or as I like to call it...the Device of Doom (DoD)...is a poor measure of progress.

When I got pregnant with Drake I wore a size 16W (a snug 16) and weighed 188. Today I weigh 184. I am finally back to where I was when I got pregnant. The difference?? Today I wear a size 12.

So according to the DoD I am the same as I was 10 years ago. But in reality I have come much further.

Size 12

That is what the tag in the jeans I have on says!!! And I can breathe, I didn't have to lay down on the bed and do the 1980's painted on jean dance or anything of the sort!!

I love this cartoon...

Primal Blueprint ala Frog

If you don't know what the Primal Blueprint is then go check it out here.

So here's the list and what I do. I don't claim to be perfect or follow things to the letter, so keep that in mind.

1. Eat lots of animals, insects and plants.

Well, I am not knowingly eating any insects and I plan on keeping it that way but here is how a typical day might go.

I fast until 2 or 3 in the afternoon.

My food window typically starts off with a protein shake. Protein powder and dairy isn't primal but I use it anyway. The shake is made with heavy cream, low carb protein powder (not soy) and frozen blueberries. I need to come up with something a bit more primal but for now this is what I use.

About an hour before dinner I will have a handful or so of nuts and maybe a piece of cheese and an apple.

Dinner is where the majority of my calories come from. I will usually start with a baby spinach salad with tomatoes (not primal but I refuse to give up my tomatoes!), handful of nuts or seeds, whatever veggies I happen to have on hand, half an avocado and an ample dressing of good olive oil. Dinner itself is a double serving of meat, prepared without sugary marinades or breading, and a double serving of whatever the veggie of the day is. I occasionally eat beans. I try to avoid soy products.

If I am hungry after dinner I will have some berries and cream or some nuts or maybe both.

It doesn't sound like a lot of food but I am never hungry and if you do the math it ends up beings between 1600 and 1800 calories a day. Much more than your average "weight loss" diet.

I will admit to having the occasional slice of bread, piece of cake or serving of rice. However they are not regular features in my diet and usually come into play during holidays or special events.

2. Move around a lot at a slow pace.

I really need to work on this one. My goal is to take a walk each night. My dog would really appreciate that!

3. Lift heavy things.

For me this is kettlebells twice a week.

4. Run really fast every once in a while.

Running and my knees don't get along well. So instead I do Tabata style workouts with kettlebells.

5. Get lots of sleep.

Well, I fail on this one. I have a bit of an insomnia problem. But I am trying to establish a regular bedtime. I try to be in bed by midnight and my alarm goes off at 8:45 every morning.

6. Play.

You aren't suppose to schedule play but for the sake of this post I will tell you about the workout group I am trying to organize. Twice a week we are getting together to do Sun Salutations and play with Hula Hoops. Personally I love doing Sun Salutations and Hoop Dance is a ton of fun!! I am also trying to re-learn how to juggle and work on that daily! Other than that we play with the hula hoops in the back yard a lot and run around at the park once or twice a week.

7. Get some sunlight every day.

Another one I need to work on. I do not get out in the sun everyday. (I don't think walking to and from the car counts!)

8. Avoid trauma.

I don't think this one needs an explanation.

9. Avoid poisonous things.

Other than the obvious, I also try to avoid artificial stuff in my food. We try to limit eating out to once a week. And we try to use all natural cleaners and body products. My one real exception is deodorant. I still use good ole aluminum tainted deodorant. Frankly, I live in Florida and I don't like to smell! Oh, and I do use some Splenda but I am trying to use more Stevia instead.

10. Use your mind.

There are days I use my mind more than I want but in general, I try to do a little reading, do a little crafting and play a little music everyday.

Painfully Simple

I was talking with someone the other day and mentioned I had just finished working out and that I was tired. She then proceeded to express her concern about how hard I workout. She said that "There are much simpler ways of losing weight." and "That I was going to hurt myself." Oh and let's not forget, "You don't want to get big and bulky like one of those freaky gym guys." (no offense to any freaky gym guys!)

I told her that my workout wasn't just about losing weight. I mean, I could do that and sit on the sofa all day watching TV. I know, I did it!

And I only wish I had the ability to get "big and bulky".

Working out was more about being healthy and being grounded. It was about knowing my body, not only it's weaknesses but also it's strengths. (Something I think the average person doesn't really know.) It is about becoming stronger and healthier. And it is about discipline. Working a little each day toward a goal whether I make good progress or not. It is not about the training volume. It is about the daily practice of bettering myself and my health.

When I realized the conversation was beginning to take a heavy philosophical turn I lightened it up by saying, "Besides, take a look (showing her my log). My workouts are painfully simple." She responded with, "It's the "painfully" part that I don't like!"

After reflecting back on that conversation, I wondered if it was really so natural to shun pain. Surely our paleolithic ancestors didn't avoid running down a wildebeest because their legs might be sore the next day. They accepted the pain was a part of life.

Now I am not talking 'broken bone' pain. I am referring to that 'I just had a killer workout' pain. That pain that lets you know exactly what muscles you have and exactly where they are.

Don't use "pain" as an excuse to avoid exercise. It is a natural biological response to work. And I am talking work of the muscular type.

I don't mind one bit when someone says to me, "I don't exercise because I don't want to." That person is being honest. Is it healthy? Perhaps not but they aren't making excuses to cover up the truth; that they have no desire to do it.

It is those excuses that irritate me.

"I'm too old for that." - Guess what? You're not getting any younger.

"I don't like to sweat." - Neither do I. That is what indoor plumbing it for. Suck it up and shower afterwards.

"I have bad knees." - So do I. Figure out why and do something to fix it.

"I don't have time." - Yes you do. Trust me!

"It is hard to workout with the kids." - Now I will admit with little ones things can get more challenging, especially at that in between, toddler age. But that is what nap times are for. The bigger kids can exercise right along with you. Just think of the excellent roll model you are being. Perhaps they won't be 30 trying to pass off any of these excuses.

"I just don't have any energy for that." - Gee I wonder why? Put down the Doritos and pick up some almonds.

"I can't afford it." - Huh? Is our society really so commercially driven that we think it costs money to make you heart beat faster and your muscles to contract??

Did I miss any?

Feel free to add on if i did!

Daily Practice

In response to a recent MDC post....

The question was, How do you deal with falling off the wagon?

My response was, get the hell off the wagon; the road is too bumpy anyways!

Seriously, ditch the idea of being "on the wagon" and "off the wagon". The imagery of "the wagon" in weight loss is there because people a "traveling" towards their destination. The destination being their goal weight.

I prefer to think of this process as a "daily practice". A practice that is not entirely focused on weight loss and more focused on manifesting a healthy life. It is also a practice that will go on for a lifetime. Not one that will stop once I reach my desired body composition. I like the term daily practice because it doesn't set up expectations of perfection that are unobtainable. A daily practice, much like someone that has a daily yoga practice or daily Tai Chi practice.

I make the commitment to practice everyday. Each day I will practice a healthy lifestyle. I realize that not every practice is going to be perfect. Things in my practice are going to happen that are not ideal and are not exactly how I want. I will not be at my best everyday. However, everyday I will get up and practice. If today's practice is less than it should be then I will still get up and practice again tomorrow.

And as the quote says above....

Consistent Practice equals consistent progress. (I have seriously been considering getting that tattooed on my body! The question is where??) That's from the Simply Strength blog, BTW.

On the subject of self-esteem

I have been examining the subject of self-esteem of late. This topic has come up a number of times over the last two months in various forms and from various angles. I feel it is due some blog space. If you are not interested in hearing about my specific roller coaster then you should move on now.

Specifically, what is the relationship between body confidence and self-esteem. Are they the same thing? How do the effect each other? Can you have one without the other?

I have always considered myself to have a very high level of self-esteem. (Okay there was a period during my first marriage that that wasn't true but that is another blog post!) I think my friends would all agree. I am a very confident person and I know what I am capable of. However I have had periods in my life where my body confidence was all but non-existent. I am talking about being comfortable enough in your body to let someone (other than your SO) see you naked. Where do you rate??? (My comments section better be really full after this! Scale of 1 to 10 will suffice. LOL)

Since this is my blog, I am the one who gets to fess up, so here goes...

High School - I weighed 130 dripping wet, 28 inch waist, B cup. If someone had suggested I get naked I would have slapped them! Being a teenager aside, that sort of thing was frowned upon! :)

College - I was 180 ish, I was a bit more relaxed, not specifically happy with my body but I would have let someone see me naked then. At least after a drink or two ;) Although I will admit there were other issues playing in this time in my life so that may not have been all about body confidence.

After having 2 children - I was 270 (:0). Are you f-ing kidding me? Now way in hell, not if my life depended on it. On a scale of 1 -10 I would rate my body confidence in the negative. I didn't even want my husband to see me naked then much less some outside observer, theoretical or not.

I am no barbie doll, nor do I ever wish to be (Man, can you imagine trying to buy jeans!). My goals are to be healthy and strong. For a very long time I was sick and weak. Really, it wasn't even THAT long ago. It is only in the last year that I have gotten to the point of describing my physical self as healthy and strong.

Am I where I want to be physically? No, but I am getting there. These things take time and since I am more focused on the process and the learning experience, I am not on the fast track to 'barbie-land'. (Shudder to think! I am top heavy enough, thank you very much! LOL) I am healthy, and through my daily practice I will get healthier. I am strong, and through my daily practice I will get stronger.

Back to those original questions that started this ramble....

Are body confidence and self-esteem the same thing? I do not believe they are. At least not for me. I know there are many people that have a much closer tie-in than I, but for me they are separate but parallel states. They can entertwine with one another but are ultimately separate.

How do they affect each other? I think this is obvious. You can have a good self esteem and not be comfortable with your body, but once you are comfortable with your body then your self-esteem can't help but go up.

Can you have one without the other? I think I already eluded to this. You can have good self-esteem without being confident in your body BUT I don't think it works the other way around.

Last, but not least...Am I confident enough in my body to let someone see me naked? Six months ago I may not have opened myself up to the possibility of criticism. My confidence was still teetering on the edge; there but not quite firm. Now, I find I don't care about the possibility of criticism because anyone that would criticize doesn't see the journey. I know where I have come from. I know where I am going. And if whoever it is that fills the role of that theoretical observer doesn't wish to see the journey beyond the stretch marks than their opinions are unimportant to me. SO I guess that was a VERY long winded way of saying, Yes, I am confident enough to let someone else see me naked.

All or Nothing

This is such a dangerous attitude.

"Oh, I had too much cream in my coffee this morning! I have totally screwed up. I might as well have chocolate cake the rest of the day."

What does 50 or so extra calories have to do with anything you eat later in the day? Why has food become torturous? Worry less about those 50, 100, or 500 calories you weren't supposed to eat and think about what all that stress you are putting on yourself does to you.

Stress causes a cascade of hormones designed to prepare your body for hard times. Meaning, those hormones are there to make you fat!! So stressing over 100 calories is really counter productive. Being guilty for indulging in birthday cake is pointless. Exercising yourself silly trying to counter act some candy bar you had is crazy.

We need to stop looking at each individual morsel of food and look at the whole picture. If you are eating chocolate cake everyday then you need to examine things a bit. But if you are having a piece chocolate cake at a birthday party every 6 months then what is the big deal? Eat the cake, enjoy the cake, don't feel guilty because of the cake. It is just food.

One hundred percent dietary compliance is simply not possible. We are not perfect beings. We will make mistakes and make choices that don't fit perfectly with our plan. These things do not make us bad. They make us human. Aiming for 100% dietary compliance is setting yourself up for failure. Why do that to yourself? Give yourself permission to indulge every once in a while. Do so with happiness and joy. You might be amazed by how great you feel!!

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

What kind of stupid ass cliche is that!!!! Seriously, that is almost as bad as "Stop dieting, start living".

First of all this ridiculous "support mantra" tries to compare the value of two completely different things!! The taste of food and feeling skinny has NOTHING to do with one another.

Second, I don't want to be 'thin'. Thin is for 8 year olds and runway models.

This 'mantra', if you will, completely discounts the value food plays in our life, socially, physically and physiologically. These are very important factors in achieving a healthy weight.

What this 'mantra' says to me is that if I want to be thin then I can no longer enjoy my food. And if I do enjoy my food then I must not want to be thin that badly. And people wonder why there are so many eating disorders out there.

For my loyal readers you will know what my mantra is....

Consistent Practice equals Consistent Progress

Practice implies that not everyday will be perfect but that we strive to improve ourselves every time we practice. Some days our practice will be great. Some days not so much. Each day we practice a healthy life. Each day we make progress.

Practice also implies that this is an ongoing process. We don't get to a goal and then stop practicing. Because, like any other skill, if we don't continue to practice we will undo all the progress we have achieved. Practicing a healthy life is a life long endeavor.