Have you ever reached a point in your life when you look to the future and you don't like what you see? Then you look back and wonder where you took the wrong turn that lead you down this path? I discovered a while ago that I had somehow ended up on a path that I didn't really want to be on. Not that the path is bad. It just isn't leading me where I want to go. How did I get here?
There has been much introspection in the past few months to determine what I need to change to get back to a path that leads towards a future I know is possible. What I have come to realize is that I can't do and be everything, I can't expect any one else to do and be everything and I can't allow any one to expect me to do and be everything. To expect such things only sets everyone involved up for failure and disappointment. Life has far to many wonderful things to experience to be bogged down in disappointment. Disappointment, anger, guilt, frustration, they have their place. They are not inherently bad. They give us information. They tell us that something is not right; that there is something we need to change. They become a problem when we choose to hold onto them. Then they only divert our attention from the truly amazing things the universe has to offer.
So I have chosen to release the disappointment, the anger, the frustration and the guilt. I will open my eyes and allow myself to be fulfilled and happy. I will allow the universe to give me the things, experiences and people I need. I will happily accept them, be grateful every day for them and appreciate each day that I do not allow disappointment and anger to keep me from the happiness I deserve.
When I look towards the future I can now see many paths. Who knows which one I will take. Who knows where it will lead. What I do know is that I can now see the possibility of a future that will be truly magical.
Showing posts with label deep thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deep thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Creativity
Today's philosophical thought is short and sweet...
Every person is born with the ability to be creative. Our potential to create is what makes us human. Our creativity can fall dormant if it is not nurtured. It is never lost. It is always there waiting to be re-awakened.
Every person is born with the ability to be creative. Our potential to create is what makes us human. Our creativity can fall dormant if it is not nurtured. It is never lost. It is always there waiting to be re-awakened.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Vulnerability
Vulnerability is commonly viewed as something negative. No one wants to be vulnerable! I think that is a shame. In society’s attempt to be completely invulnerable to any hardship or heartache it has separated itself from itself. No one takes chances unless the odds are in their favor. Some don’t take chances at all. This may very well be one of the root problems in our world today.
Being invulnerable creates a barrier - a barrier to new experiences, a barrier to new love, a barrier to new ways of thinking. Stick with the tried and true is the battle cry! Disconnectedness, depression, lack of compassion, intolerance are what results.
Rev. Jack Ford said “You can be comfortable or you can have an adventure.”
You can be comfortable, never allowing yourself to be at risk for hardship, never allowing people into your life that might disappoint you or hurt you, never stepping outside of your comfort level, never allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
Or you can open up your life to the possibility of heartache and in turn, for allowing yourself to become vulnerable, have a grand adventure. An adventure that will take you to places, experiences and people that you never dreamed of while you were behind your wall of invulnerability.
The Universe has so much to offer us. Experience, enlightenment, connectedness, companionship, knowledge, the list could go on and on. But one thing is asked in return…to be open, to be vulnerable in order to experience these things fully and completely. If we always follow the sure thing, the safe path, the socially appropriate action in an effort to avoid negativity we will never know the vastness of the opportunities there are to be experienced. We will never see the full beauty of the Universe.
Without grief, there is no love. Without sadness, there is no joy. Without injustice there is no compassion. Without vulnerability, there is no adventure.
Being invulnerable creates a barrier - a barrier to new experiences, a barrier to new love, a barrier to new ways of thinking. Stick with the tried and true is the battle cry! Disconnectedness, depression, lack of compassion, intolerance are what results.
Rev. Jack Ford said “You can be comfortable or you can have an adventure.”
You can be comfortable, never allowing yourself to be at risk for hardship, never allowing people into your life that might disappoint you or hurt you, never stepping outside of your comfort level, never allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
Or you can open up your life to the possibility of heartache and in turn, for allowing yourself to become vulnerable, have a grand adventure. An adventure that will take you to places, experiences and people that you never dreamed of while you were behind your wall of invulnerability.
The Universe has so much to offer us. Experience, enlightenment, connectedness, companionship, knowledge, the list could go on and on. But one thing is asked in return…to be open, to be vulnerable in order to experience these things fully and completely. If we always follow the sure thing, the safe path, the socially appropriate action in an effort to avoid negativity we will never know the vastness of the opportunities there are to be experienced. We will never see the full beauty of the Universe.
Without grief, there is no love. Without sadness, there is no joy. Without injustice there is no compassion. Without vulnerability, there is no adventure.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Embrace the Now
If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be?
It’s an interesting question. Would it be a bad relationship, a decision that caused someone great pain, maybe a bad business decision?
My answer is nothing. I would change nothing from my past. Now, that is not to say that there is nothing in my past that I regret. There are plenty of things I regret happening. However I recognize these things as steps along the path. (I know, there goes the path analogy again!)
I have some wonderful things in my life. Would I have those things if I changed the past?
Much of who I am today developed during the time I spent living in Arizona. I was exposed to many experiences, cultures, people and religion that I would not have had anywhere else in the world. If I chose to change my past to eliminate my first marriage, I would also have to give up all the experiences that resulted from that event. I likely would never have ended up in Arizona, much less spent 7 years there. Would I still resonate so strongly with the cultures of the Southwest? Would I have ever done the work that I did with the disabled? Would I truly know what miracles my children are?
Sure, it is possible that the universe would have provided me with those experiences anyways but I think it is far more likely that my other decisions would have led me to different experiences that would have shaped me differently. I would be a different person. Maybe I would be a better person, maybe a worse, but I do know that I would not be ME if it wasn’t for each and every decision, be it good or bad, that I made up until this point.
Just as a weaver does not unravel an entire tapestry because of a single mistake, I choose to leave my decisions as they are and embrace who I am and who I will become.
Embrace the now and do not dwell on the past.
What about you? If you could change one thing from your past what would it be??
It’s an interesting question. Would it be a bad relationship, a decision that caused someone great pain, maybe a bad business decision?
My answer is nothing. I would change nothing from my past. Now, that is not to say that there is nothing in my past that I regret. There are plenty of things I regret happening. However I recognize these things as steps along the path. (I know, there goes the path analogy again!)
I have some wonderful things in my life. Would I have those things if I changed the past?
Much of who I am today developed during the time I spent living in Arizona. I was exposed to many experiences, cultures, people and religion that I would not have had anywhere else in the world. If I chose to change my past to eliminate my first marriage, I would also have to give up all the experiences that resulted from that event. I likely would never have ended up in Arizona, much less spent 7 years there. Would I still resonate so strongly with the cultures of the Southwest? Would I have ever done the work that I did with the disabled? Would I truly know what miracles my children are?
Sure, it is possible that the universe would have provided me with those experiences anyways but I think it is far more likely that my other decisions would have led me to different experiences that would have shaped me differently. I would be a different person. Maybe I would be a better person, maybe a worse, but I do know that I would not be ME if it wasn’t for each and every decision, be it good or bad, that I made up until this point.
Just as a weaver does not unravel an entire tapestry because of a single mistake, I choose to leave my decisions as they are and embrace who I am and who I will become.
Embrace the now and do not dwell on the past.
What about you? If you could change one thing from your past what would it be??
Monday, January 19, 2009
Monday's Philosphical Thought
It is Monday an I am supposed to have some overly enlightening 'something' for you to read. I am afraid all I have is bunch of disjointed thoughts to give you today. Here goes:
1. Religion grew out of an evolutionary need for man to control themselves. As we shift to a higher way of thinking the need for religion will fall (albeit kicking and screaming) by the wayside.
2. I have often bucked at the thought of formal rituals. That was one of my biggest reasons for not investigating Wicca any further. I just didn't 'feel' the rituals. However, recently I have begun developing my own little rituals here and there. I am finding them to be very comforting and they create a connection with my spiritual center every time I perform them. I can see them becoming more and more formal and regular in the near future.
3. The academic pursuit of spirituality interferes with the practical application of it. It isn't necessary to understand all the nuances of a spiritual tradition before experiencing it.
4. Does a crystal have power for someone that doesn't believe in it? Or does that non-belief somehow interfere with the energy? Does the non-believer simply not receive the vibratory energy or are those vibrations dampened somehow? (Perhaps more on that later...)
OK, that's all I have for you today. It nothing else, there is a little food for thought!
1. Religion grew out of an evolutionary need for man to control themselves. As we shift to a higher way of thinking the need for religion will fall (albeit kicking and screaming) by the wayside.
2. I have often bucked at the thought of formal rituals. That was one of my biggest reasons for not investigating Wicca any further. I just didn't 'feel' the rituals. However, recently I have begun developing my own little rituals here and there. I am finding them to be very comforting and they create a connection with my spiritual center every time I perform them. I can see them becoming more and more formal and regular in the near future.
3. The academic pursuit of spirituality interferes with the practical application of it. It isn't necessary to understand all the nuances of a spiritual tradition before experiencing it.
4. Does a crystal have power for someone that doesn't believe in it? Or does that non-belief somehow interfere with the energy? Does the non-believer simply not receive the vibratory energy or are those vibrations dampened somehow? (Perhaps more on that later...)
OK, that's all I have for you today. It nothing else, there is a little food for thought!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Religion vs Spirituality revisited....
I have found myself arguing semantics yet again!!! I take the bait way to easily!! I have already discussed my views on how religion and spirituality differ in this post. However I feel the need to delve a little deeper and provide a few examples.
The usual warnings apply. I am an opinionated smart a$$ and this is my blog. If you are easily offended move along now! blah, blah, blah....
I would first like to elaborate on a statement I made in the above referenced post. "Religion is easy, spirituality takes work." With this statement I was referring to figuring out what you believe to be truth. Organized religion makes this an easy task. Most of them have a convenient, albeit wordy, 'user's manual'. For example, the Bible tells Christians just what their version of truth is and if you have difficulty understanding there is someone that will be happy to tell you just what everything means. Personal spirituality takes a bit more work than that. We must examine everything and decide for our self what is Truth.
The reason for the clarification is because what I am getting ready to say might sound like I am contradicting myself. I am not. If you think I am re-read everything and call me in the morning!
I recently got into a discussion about "Native American Spirituality". The argument was that there is no such thing as ONE Native American spirituality. Each group has their own spiritual practices. My rebuttal was that if you were to break down these seemingly different practices to their very core reasoning that they would be the same.
Don't over think this. It isn't that difficult! (This is where I might sound like I am contradicting myself. Spirituality takes work but that work isn't necessarily hard!)
For example, certain groups hold a particular herb or food in great regard. This can seem, outwardly, like a spiritual difference. However, if you break down WHY these things are considered holy or special it usually relates to the nourishing way of Mother Earth. The way each groups honors Mother Earth's nourishing spirit has developed based on their location (this is a cultural filter) NOT their beliefs.
The spiritual belief is the same. Mother Earth nourishes us and provides us with a place to live.
The way that is honored is what is different. For the Hopi, corn holds a sacred place in their culture. That is because corn is a main source of nourishment. Corn is how Mother Earth provides for them therefore corn is sacred. Just because another groups honors Mother Earth through a different source does not make their core belief about Mother Earth different.
Religion results from a cultural filter being applied to spiritual belief.
Let's strip this down even further. I am going to go as far as saying most religions stem from the same root spiritual belief. That root? Well, that would be the Golden Rule. Can it really be possible that all the Christians out there actually share the same fundamental spiritual belief as me??
I know it is hard to believe! Still don't buy it?
(BTW, I can't take credit for the above list since I found it online. Unfortunately I can't give credit for it either because I can't remember where I found it!)
I think that ‘the Golden Rule’ is a fundamental link between all of humanity. I might go as far as calling it our one true instinct. Obviously, I have an optimistic outlook on the potential of humanity.
The many cultural filters that have been applied to this root belief is what is responsible for all the varied religions around the world.
So while we may not share religious beliefs, that doesn't mean we can't share spiritual ones. (WOW, there's the UU coming out in me!!)
So this begs the question....
Why can't we all just get along????
The usual warnings apply. I am an opinionated smart a$$ and this is my blog. If you are easily offended move along now! blah, blah, blah....
I would first like to elaborate on a statement I made in the above referenced post. "Religion is easy, spirituality takes work." With this statement I was referring to figuring out what you believe to be truth. Organized religion makes this an easy task. Most of them have a convenient, albeit wordy, 'user's manual'. For example, the Bible tells Christians just what their version of truth is and if you have difficulty understanding there is someone that will be happy to tell you just what everything means. Personal spirituality takes a bit more work than that. We must examine everything and decide for our self what is Truth.
The reason for the clarification is because what I am getting ready to say might sound like I am contradicting myself. I am not. If you think I am re-read everything and call me in the morning!
I recently got into a discussion about "Native American Spirituality". The argument was that there is no such thing as ONE Native American spirituality. Each group has their own spiritual practices. My rebuttal was that if you were to break down these seemingly different practices to their very core reasoning that they would be the same.
Don't over think this. It isn't that difficult! (This is where I might sound like I am contradicting myself. Spirituality takes work but that work isn't necessarily hard!)
For example, certain groups hold a particular herb or food in great regard. This can seem, outwardly, like a spiritual difference. However, if you break down WHY these things are considered holy or special it usually relates to the nourishing way of Mother Earth. The way each groups honors Mother Earth's nourishing spirit has developed based on their location (this is a cultural filter) NOT their beliefs.
The spiritual belief is the same. Mother Earth nourishes us and provides us with a place to live.
The way that is honored is what is different. For the Hopi, corn holds a sacred place in their culture. That is because corn is a main source of nourishment. Corn is how Mother Earth provides for them therefore corn is sacred. Just because another groups honors Mother Earth through a different source does not make their core belief about Mother Earth different.
Religion results from a cultural filter being applied to spiritual belief.
Let's strip this down even further. I am going to go as far as saying most religions stem from the same root spiritual belief. That root? Well, that would be the Golden Rule. Can it really be possible that all the Christians out there actually share the same fundamental spiritual belief as me??
I know it is hard to believe! Still don't buy it?
Christianity:
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." Matthew 7:12
Buddhism:
"...a state that is not pleasing or delightful to me, how could I inflict that upon another?" Samyutta Nikaya v. 353
"Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful." Udana-Varga 5:18
Native American Spirituality:
"Respect for all life is the foundation." The Great Law of Peace.
"Do not wrong or hate your neighbor. For it is not he who you wrong, but yourself." Pima proverb.
Judaism:
"...thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." Leviticus 19:18
"What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. This is the law: all the rest is commentary." Talmud, Shabbat 31a.
Hinduism:
"This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you. Mahabharata 5:1517
Islam:
"None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself." Number 13 of Imam "Al-Nawawi's Forty Hadiths." 5
Bahá'í:
"Ascribe not to any soul that which thou wouldst not have ascribed to thee, and say not that which thou doest not." "Blessed is he who preferreth his brother before himself." Baha'u'llah
"And if thine eyes be turned towards justice, choose thou for thy neighbour that which thou choosest for thyself." Epistle to the Son of the Wolf
Confucianism:
"Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you." Analects 15:23
"Tse-kung asked, 'Is there one word that can serve as a principle of conduct for life?' Confucius replied, 'It is the word 'shu' -- reciprocity. Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire.'" Doctrine of the Mean 13.3
"Try your best to treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself, and you will find that this is the shortest way to benevolence." Mencius VII.A.4
Taoism:
"Regard your neighbor's gain as your own gain, and your neighbor's loss as your own loss." T'ai Shang Kan Ying P'ien.
"The sage has no interest of his own, but takes the interests of the people as his own. He is kind to the kind; he is also kind to the unkind: for Virtue is kind. He is faithful to the faithful; he is also faithful to the unfaithful: for Virtue is faithful." Tao Teh Ching, Chapter 49
(BTW, I can't take credit for the above list since I found it online. Unfortunately I can't give credit for it either because I can't remember where I found it!)
I think that ‘the Golden Rule’ is a fundamental link between all of humanity. I might go as far as calling it our one true instinct. Obviously, I have an optimistic outlook on the potential of humanity.
The many cultural filters that have been applied to this root belief is what is responsible for all the varied religions around the world.
So while we may not share religious beliefs, that doesn't mean we can't share spiritual ones. (WOW, there's the UU coming out in me!!)
So this begs the question....
Why can't we all just get along????
Monday, December 29, 2008
New Year's Resolutions
I am generally opposed to New Year's Resolutions. Mainly because they are so cliche!! But this year I have decided to redo my Vision Board at the beginning of the year because I am at a pivotal point in many areas in my life.
So, for the sake of taking up valuable bandwidth on my blog, let's discuss the concept of 'resolutions'.
First a few definitions....
Resolution, noun:
1. the act or process of resolving something or breaking it up into its constituent parts or elements
2. a resolute quality of mind
3. a solving, as of a puzzle, or answering, as of a question; solution
4. the capability of an optical system, or other imaging system, of making clear and distinguishable the separate parts or components of an object
5. Fixedness of mind
So, here are my general complaints with most people's 'New Year's Resolutions'. People don't get specific enough. Two of the five definitions above talk about breaking things into parts. One refers to solving a puzzle and the other two involve the mind.
Let's take the most common New Year's Resolution as an example, 'lose weight'. It is a valid and important goal. The problem is, most people stop there. "My resolution is to lose weight." Well, no, based on the definition above you have stopped short of making your resolution because you have failed to break your GOAL (lose weight) down into its 'constituent parts'.
Your GOAL is to 'lose weight'. Your RESOLUTION is the steps you will take to do so. Your RESOLUTION is the state of mind needed to achieve your goal. Your RESOLUTION is the process of solving the puzzle not the completed puzzle. (For those of your that missed the analogy, the completed puzzle is your goal!!)
Let me give you another, more specific example. A good portion of my new Vision Board will focus on my spiritual development.
Spiritual development is my GOAL.
My RESOLUTION is to reach my goal through:
1. daily meditation
2. devotional study
3. continued reading
4. seeking out a group of like minded people
5. the completion of a Vision Quest before the end of the year
Is the difference clearer? I have specific things I am going to do to reach my ONE goal. It is not an all or nothing process. I have carefully chosen and examined what I want my goal to be and developed a plan to achieve it. The plan gives me more "fixedness of mind". It keeps me on track.
Don't think of the end result as the resolution. The road/path/track to the end result is the resolution. So HOW are you going to go about 'quitting smoking', HOW are you going to go about 'losing weight', HOW are you going to go about 'paying off your credit cards', HOW, HOW, HOW???
So, for the sake of taking up valuable bandwidth on my blog, let's discuss the concept of 'resolutions'.
First a few definitions....
Resolution, noun:
1. the act or process of resolving something or breaking it up into its constituent parts or elements
2. a resolute quality of mind
3. a solving, as of a puzzle, or answering, as of a question; solution
4. the capability of an optical system, or other imaging system, of making clear and distinguishable the separate parts or components of an object
5. Fixedness of mind
So, here are my general complaints with most people's 'New Year's Resolutions'. People don't get specific enough. Two of the five definitions above talk about breaking things into parts. One refers to solving a puzzle and the other two involve the mind.
Let's take the most common New Year's Resolution as an example, 'lose weight'. It is a valid and important goal. The problem is, most people stop there. "My resolution is to lose weight." Well, no, based on the definition above you have stopped short of making your resolution because you have failed to break your GOAL (lose weight) down into its 'constituent parts'.
Your GOAL is to 'lose weight'. Your RESOLUTION is the steps you will take to do so. Your RESOLUTION is the state of mind needed to achieve your goal. Your RESOLUTION is the process of solving the puzzle not the completed puzzle. (For those of your that missed the analogy, the completed puzzle is your goal!!)
Let me give you another, more specific example. A good portion of my new Vision Board will focus on my spiritual development.
Spiritual development is my GOAL.
My RESOLUTION is to reach my goal through:
1. daily meditation
2. devotional study
3. continued reading
4. seeking out a group of like minded people
5. the completion of a Vision Quest before the end of the year
Is the difference clearer? I have specific things I am going to do to reach my ONE goal. It is not an all or nothing process. I have carefully chosen and examined what I want my goal to be and developed a plan to achieve it. The plan gives me more "fixedness of mind". It keeps me on track.
Don't think of the end result as the resolution. The road/path/track to the end result is the resolution. So HOW are you going to go about 'quitting smoking', HOW are you going to go about 'losing weight', HOW are you going to go about 'paying off your credit cards', HOW, HOW, HOW???
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
It's All Down Hill From Here...
As we close in on my birthday, which everyone except my mother can seem to remember (but that is another post!), the question of how old I will be keeps coming up. My answer seems to illicit one of two responses.
From those people whom are older than me, pity.
From those people whom are younger than me, fear.
I can honestly say that I have neither fear nor pity of the pending anniversary of my birth. I have never placed much importance on birthdays. Maybe it is because, having a birthday so close to Christmas, there was never much emphasis placed on my day. People simply had better things to do!! Maybe it is because I have never quite understood the social hierarchy of age ranges. And I wonder where Kyllian gets his Asperger’s tendencies! Maybe it is because I just don’t care.
Someone said to me the other day, “Ohhh, it is all down hill from here!!” Supportive huh??? I am sure they were trying to be funny but it started me thinking on age. Why is that people feel they are ‘over the hill’ or ‘past their prime’ once they reach a certain age? People seem to have a bell curve view of age. You get better with age until a certain point. Then you peak and it continues to suck more and more from there on out and then you die.
People’s apprehension regarding age seems, to me, to stem from their fear of how close to death they are getting. At some point people realize that they now have fewer years left to live then what they have already lived, hence the ‘down hill’ analogy.
Here’s my theory... We are all going to die at some point. None of us know when that will be. We peak when we are born and we have been coasting down hill ever since. We can spend that downward coast desperately trying to hit the brakes to slow our decent or we can throw our hands up, feel the wind on our face and enjoy the roller coaster that is the journey to the bottom of the hill.
So, no, I do not have fear, sadness, apprehension or any of the other feelings I am ‘supposed’ to have about my birthday. Instead…
I am happy that I have been able to spend another year on the roller coaster.
I am hopeful that during that year I was able to do some good and affect someone’s life in a positive way.
I am inspired by what I can accomplish if I am blessed with another year.
And I am accepting of the fact that I have no idea when the hill ends.
After all coasting down the hill is WAYY more fun than climbing it!!
From those people whom are older than me, pity.
From those people whom are younger than me, fear.
I can honestly say that I have neither fear nor pity of the pending anniversary of my birth. I have never placed much importance on birthdays. Maybe it is because, having a birthday so close to Christmas, there was never much emphasis placed on my day. People simply had better things to do!! Maybe it is because I have never quite understood the social hierarchy of age ranges. And I wonder where Kyllian gets his Asperger’s tendencies! Maybe it is because I just don’t care.
Someone said to me the other day, “Ohhh, it is all down hill from here!!” Supportive huh??? I am sure they were trying to be funny but it started me thinking on age. Why is that people feel they are ‘over the hill’ or ‘past their prime’ once they reach a certain age? People seem to have a bell curve view of age. You get better with age until a certain point. Then you peak and it continues to suck more and more from there on out and then you die.
People’s apprehension regarding age seems, to me, to stem from their fear of how close to death they are getting. At some point people realize that they now have fewer years left to live then what they have already lived, hence the ‘down hill’ analogy.
Here’s my theory... We are all going to die at some point. None of us know when that will be. We peak when we are born and we have been coasting down hill ever since. We can spend that downward coast desperately trying to hit the brakes to slow our decent or we can throw our hands up, feel the wind on our face and enjoy the roller coaster that is the journey to the bottom of the hill.
So, no, I do not have fear, sadness, apprehension or any of the other feelings I am ‘supposed’ to have about my birthday. Instead…
I am happy that I have been able to spend another year on the roller coaster.
I am hopeful that during that year I was able to do some good and affect someone’s life in a positive way.
I am inspired by what I can accomplish if I am blessed with another year.
And I am accepting of the fact that I have no idea when the hill ends.
After all coasting down the hill is WAYY more fun than climbing it!!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Painfully Simple
I was talking with someone the other day and mentioned I had just finished working out and that I was tired. She then proceeded to express her concern about how hard I workout. She said that "There are much simpler ways of losing weight." and "That I was going to hurt myself." Oh and let's not forget, "You don't want to get big and bulky like one of those freaky gym guys." (no offense to any freaky gym guys!)
I told her that my workout wasn't just about losing weight. I mean, I could do that and sit on the sofa all day watching TV. I know, I did it!
And I only wish I had the ability to get "big and bulky".
Working out was more about being healthy and being grounded. It was about knowing my body, not only it's weaknesses but also it's strengths. (Something I think the average person doesn't really know.) It is about becoming stronger and healthier. And it is about discipline. Working a little each day toward a goal whether I make good progress or not. It is not about the training volume. It is about the daily practice of bettering myself and my health.
When I realized the conversation was beginning to take a heavy philosophical turn I lightened it up by saying, "Besides, take a look (showing her my log). My workouts are painfully simple." She responded with, "It's the "painfully" part that I don't like!"
After reflecting back on that conversation, I wondered if it was really so natural to shun pain. Surely our paleolithic ancestors didn't avoid running down a wildebeest because their legs might be sore the next day. They accepted the pain was a part of life.
Now I am not talking 'broken bone' pain. I am referring to that 'I just had a killer workout' pain. That pain that lets you know exactly what muscles you have and exactly where they are.
Don't use "pain" as an excuse to avoid exercise. It is a natural biological response to work. And I am talking work of the muscular type.
I don't mind one bit when someone says to me, "I don't exercise because I don't want to." That person is being honest. Is it healthy? Perhaps not but they aren't making excuses to cover up the truth; that they have no desire to do it.
It is those excuses that irritate me.
"I'm too old for that." - Guess what? You're not getting any younger.
"I don't like to sweat." - Neither do I. That is what indoor plumbing it for. Suck it up and shower afterwards.
"I have bad knees." - So do I. Figure out why and do something to fix it.
"I don't have time." - Yes you do. Trust me!
"It is hard to workout with the kids." - Now I will admit with little ones things can get more challenging, especially at that in between, toddler age. But that is what nap times are for. The bigger kids can exercise right along with you. Just think of the excellent roll model you are being. Perhaps they won't be 30 trying to pass off any of these excuses.
"I just don't have any energy for that." - Gee I wonder why? Put down the Doritos and pick up some almonds.
"I can't afford it." - Huh? Is our society really so commercially driven that we think it costs money to make you heart beat faster and your muscles to contract??
Did I miss any?
Feel free to add on if i did!
I told her that my workout wasn't just about losing weight. I mean, I could do that and sit on the sofa all day watching TV. I know, I did it!
And I only wish I had the ability to get "big and bulky".
Working out was more about being healthy and being grounded. It was about knowing my body, not only it's weaknesses but also it's strengths. (Something I think the average person doesn't really know.) It is about becoming stronger and healthier. And it is about discipline. Working a little each day toward a goal whether I make good progress or not. It is not about the training volume. It is about the daily practice of bettering myself and my health.
When I realized the conversation was beginning to take a heavy philosophical turn I lightened it up by saying, "Besides, take a look (showing her my log). My workouts are painfully simple." She responded with, "It's the "painfully" part that I don't like!"
After reflecting back on that conversation, I wondered if it was really so natural to shun pain. Surely our paleolithic ancestors didn't avoid running down a wildebeest because their legs might be sore the next day. They accepted the pain was a part of life.
Now I am not talking 'broken bone' pain. I am referring to that 'I just had a killer workout' pain. That pain that lets you know exactly what muscles you have and exactly where they are.
Don't use "pain" as an excuse to avoid exercise. It is a natural biological response to work. And I am talking work of the muscular type.
I don't mind one bit when someone says to me, "I don't exercise because I don't want to." That person is being honest. Is it healthy? Perhaps not but they aren't making excuses to cover up the truth; that they have no desire to do it.
It is those excuses that irritate me.
"I'm too old for that." - Guess what? You're not getting any younger.
"I don't like to sweat." - Neither do I. That is what indoor plumbing it for. Suck it up and shower afterwards.
"I have bad knees." - So do I. Figure out why and do something to fix it.
"I don't have time." - Yes you do. Trust me!
"It is hard to workout with the kids." - Now I will admit with little ones things can get more challenging, especially at that in between, toddler age. But that is what nap times are for. The bigger kids can exercise right along with you. Just think of the excellent roll model you are being. Perhaps they won't be 30 trying to pass off any of these excuses.
"I just don't have any energy for that." - Gee I wonder why? Put down the Doritos and pick up some almonds.
"I can't afford it." - Huh? Is our society really so commercially driven that we think it costs money to make you heart beat faster and your muscles to contract??
Did I miss any?
Feel free to add on if i did!
Daily Practice
In response to a recent MDC post....
The question was, How do you deal with falling off the wagon?
My response was, get the hell off the wagon; the road is too bumpy anyways!
Seriously, ditch the idea of being "on the wagon" and "off the wagon". The imagery of "the wagon" in weight loss is there because people a "traveling" towards their destination. The destination being their goal weight.
I prefer to think of this process as a "daily practice". A practice that is not entirely focused on weight loss and more focused on manifesting a healthy life. It is also a practice that will go on for a lifetime. Not one that will stop once I reach my desired body composition. I like the term daily practice because it doesn't set up expectations of perfection that are unobtainable. A daily practice, much like someone that has a daily yoga practice or daily Tai Chi practice.
I make the commitment to practice everyday. Each day I will practice a healthy lifestyle. I realize that not every practice is going to be perfect. Things in my practice are going to happen that are not ideal and are not exactly how I want. I will not be at my best everyday. However, everyday I will get up and practice. If today's practice is less than it should be then I will still get up and practice again tomorrow.
And as the quote says above....
Consistent Practice equals consistent progress. (I have seriously been considering getting that tattooed on my body! The question is where??) That's from the Simply Strength blog, BTW.
The question was, How do you deal with falling off the wagon?
My response was, get the hell off the wagon; the road is too bumpy anyways!
Seriously, ditch the idea of being "on the wagon" and "off the wagon". The imagery of "the wagon" in weight loss is there because people a "traveling" towards their destination. The destination being their goal weight.
I prefer to think of this process as a "daily practice". A practice that is not entirely focused on weight loss and more focused on manifesting a healthy life. It is also a practice that will go on for a lifetime. Not one that will stop once I reach my desired body composition. I like the term daily practice because it doesn't set up expectations of perfection that are unobtainable. A daily practice, much like someone that has a daily yoga practice or daily Tai Chi practice.
I make the commitment to practice everyday. Each day I will practice a healthy lifestyle. I realize that not every practice is going to be perfect. Things in my practice are going to happen that are not ideal and are not exactly how I want. I will not be at my best everyday. However, everyday I will get up and practice. If today's practice is less than it should be then I will still get up and practice again tomorrow.
And as the quote says above....
Consistent Practice equals consistent progress. (I have seriously been considering getting that tattooed on my body! The question is where??) That's from the Simply Strength blog, BTW.
On the subject of self-esteem
I have been examining the subject of self-esteem of late. This topic has come up a number of times over the last two months in various forms and from various angles. I feel it is due some blog space. If you are not interested in hearing about my specific roller coaster then you should move on now.
Specifically, what is the relationship between body confidence and self-esteem. Are they the same thing? How do the effect each other? Can you have one without the other?
I have always considered myself to have a very high level of self-esteem. (Okay there was a period during my first marriage that that wasn't true but that is another blog post!) I think my friends would all agree. I am a very confident person and I know what I am capable of. However I have had periods in my life where my body confidence was all but non-existent. I am talking about being comfortable enough in your body to let someone (other than your SO) see you naked. Where do you rate??? (My comments section better be really full after this! Scale of 1 to 10 will suffice. LOL)
Since this is my blog, I am the one who gets to fess up, so here goes...
High School - I weighed 130 dripping wet, 28 inch waist, B cup. If someone had suggested I get naked I would have slapped them! Being a teenager aside, that sort of thing was frowned upon! :)
College - I was 180 ish, I was a bit more relaxed, not specifically happy with my body but I would have let someone see me naked then. At least after a drink or two ;) Although I will admit there were other issues playing in this time in my life so that may not have been all about body confidence.
After having 2 children - I was 270 (:0). Are you f-ing kidding me? Now way in hell, not if my life depended on it. On a scale of 1 -10 I would rate my body confidence in the negative. I didn't even want my husband to see me naked then much less some outside observer, theoretical or not.
I am no barbie doll, nor do I ever wish to be (Man, can you imagine trying to buy jeans!). My goals are to be healthy and strong. For a very long time I was sick and weak. Really, it wasn't even THAT long ago. It is only in the last year that I have gotten to the point of describing my physical self as healthy and strong.
Am I where I want to be physically? No, but I am getting there. These things take time and since I am more focused on the process and the learning experience, I am not on the fast track to 'barbie-land'. (Shudder to think! I am top heavy enough, thank you very much! LOL) I am healthy, and through my daily practice I will get healthier. I am strong, and through my daily practice I will get stronger.
Back to those original questions that started this ramble....
Are body confidence and self-esteem the same thing? I do not believe they are. At least not for me. I know there are many people that have a much closer tie-in than I, but for me they are separate but parallel states. They can entertwine with one another but are ultimately separate.
How do they affect each other? I think this is obvious. You can have a good self esteem and not be comfortable with your body, but once you are comfortable with your body then your self-esteem can't help but go up.
Can you have one without the other? I think I already eluded to this. You can have good self-esteem without being confident in your body BUT I don't think it works the other way around.
Last, but not least...Am I confident enough in my body to let someone see me naked? Six months ago I may not have opened myself up to the possibility of criticism. My confidence was still teetering on the edge; there but not quite firm. Now, I find I don't care about the possibility of criticism because anyone that would criticize doesn't see the journey. I know where I have come from. I know where I am going. And if whoever it is that fills the role of that theoretical observer doesn't wish to see the journey beyond the stretch marks than their opinions are unimportant to me. SO I guess that was a VERY long winded way of saying, Yes, I am confident enough to let someone else see me naked.
Specifically, what is the relationship between body confidence and self-esteem. Are they the same thing? How do the effect each other? Can you have one without the other?
I have always considered myself to have a very high level of self-esteem. (Okay there was a period during my first marriage that that wasn't true but that is another blog post!) I think my friends would all agree. I am a very confident person and I know what I am capable of. However I have had periods in my life where my body confidence was all but non-existent. I am talking about being comfortable enough in your body to let someone (other than your SO) see you naked. Where do you rate??? (My comments section better be really full after this! Scale of 1 to 10 will suffice. LOL)
Since this is my blog, I am the one who gets to fess up, so here goes...
High School - I weighed 130 dripping wet, 28 inch waist, B cup. If someone had suggested I get naked I would have slapped them! Being a teenager aside, that sort of thing was frowned upon! :)
College - I was 180 ish, I was a bit more relaxed, not specifically happy with my body but I would have let someone see me naked then. At least after a drink or two ;) Although I will admit there were other issues playing in this time in my life so that may not have been all about body confidence.
After having 2 children - I was 270 (:0). Are you f-ing kidding me? Now way in hell, not if my life depended on it. On a scale of 1 -10 I would rate my body confidence in the negative. I didn't even want my husband to see me naked then much less some outside observer, theoretical or not.
I am no barbie doll, nor do I ever wish to be (Man, can you imagine trying to buy jeans!). My goals are to be healthy and strong. For a very long time I was sick and weak. Really, it wasn't even THAT long ago. It is only in the last year that I have gotten to the point of describing my physical self as healthy and strong.
Am I where I want to be physically? No, but I am getting there. These things take time and since I am more focused on the process and the learning experience, I am not on the fast track to 'barbie-land'. (Shudder to think! I am top heavy enough, thank you very much! LOL) I am healthy, and through my daily practice I will get healthier. I am strong, and through my daily practice I will get stronger.
Back to those original questions that started this ramble....
Are body confidence and self-esteem the same thing? I do not believe they are. At least not for me. I know there are many people that have a much closer tie-in than I, but for me they are separate but parallel states. They can entertwine with one another but are ultimately separate.
How do they affect each other? I think this is obvious. You can have a good self esteem and not be comfortable with your body, but once you are comfortable with your body then your self-esteem can't help but go up.
Can you have one without the other? I think I already eluded to this. You can have good self-esteem without being confident in your body BUT I don't think it works the other way around.
Last, but not least...Am I confident enough in my body to let someone see me naked? Six months ago I may not have opened myself up to the possibility of criticism. My confidence was still teetering on the edge; there but not quite firm. Now, I find I don't care about the possibility of criticism because anyone that would criticize doesn't see the journey. I know where I have come from. I know where I am going. And if whoever it is that fills the role of that theoretical observer doesn't wish to see the journey beyond the stretch marks than their opinions are unimportant to me. SO I guess that was a VERY long winded way of saying, Yes, I am confident enough to let someone else see me naked.
All or Nothing
This is such a dangerous attitude.
"Oh, I had too much cream in my coffee this morning! I have totally screwed up. I might as well have chocolate cake the rest of the day."
What does 50 or so extra calories have to do with anything you eat later in the day? Why has food become torturous? Worry less about those 50, 100, or 500 calories you weren't supposed to eat and think about what all that stress you are putting on yourself does to you.
Stress causes a cascade of hormones designed to prepare your body for hard times. Meaning, those hormones are there to make you fat!! So stressing over 100 calories is really counter productive. Being guilty for indulging in birthday cake is pointless. Exercising yourself silly trying to counter act some candy bar you had is crazy.
We need to stop looking at each individual morsel of food and look at the whole picture. If you are eating chocolate cake everyday then you need to examine things a bit. But if you are having a piece chocolate cake at a birthday party every 6 months then what is the big deal? Eat the cake, enjoy the cake, don't feel guilty because of the cake. It is just food.
One hundred percent dietary compliance is simply not possible. We are not perfect beings. We will make mistakes and make choices that don't fit perfectly with our plan. These things do not make us bad. They make us human. Aiming for 100% dietary compliance is setting yourself up for failure. Why do that to yourself? Give yourself permission to indulge every once in a while. Do so with happiness and joy. You might be amazed by how great you feel!!
"Oh, I had too much cream in my coffee this morning! I have totally screwed up. I might as well have chocolate cake the rest of the day."
What does 50 or so extra calories have to do with anything you eat later in the day? Why has food become torturous? Worry less about those 50, 100, or 500 calories you weren't supposed to eat and think about what all that stress you are putting on yourself does to you.
Stress causes a cascade of hormones designed to prepare your body for hard times. Meaning, those hormones are there to make you fat!! So stressing over 100 calories is really counter productive. Being guilty for indulging in birthday cake is pointless. Exercising yourself silly trying to counter act some candy bar you had is crazy.
We need to stop looking at each individual morsel of food and look at the whole picture. If you are eating chocolate cake everyday then you need to examine things a bit. But if you are having a piece chocolate cake at a birthday party every 6 months then what is the big deal? Eat the cake, enjoy the cake, don't feel guilty because of the cake. It is just food.
One hundred percent dietary compliance is simply not possible. We are not perfect beings. We will make mistakes and make choices that don't fit perfectly with our plan. These things do not make us bad. They make us human. Aiming for 100% dietary compliance is setting yourself up for failure. Why do that to yourself? Give yourself permission to indulge every once in a while. Do so with happiness and joy. You might be amazed by how great you feel!!
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
What kind of stupid ass cliche is that!!!! Seriously, that is almost as bad as "Stop dieting, start living".
First of all this ridiculous "support mantra" tries to compare the value of two completely different things!! The taste of food and feeling skinny has NOTHING to do with one another.
Second, I don't want to be 'thin'. Thin is for 8 year olds and runway models.
This 'mantra', if you will, completely discounts the value food plays in our life, socially, physically and physiologically. These are very important factors in achieving a healthy weight.
What this 'mantra' says to me is that if I want to be thin then I can no longer enjoy my food. And if I do enjoy my food then I must not want to be thin that badly. And people wonder why there are so many eating disorders out there.
For my loyal readers you will know what my mantra is....
Consistent Practice equals Consistent Progress
Practice implies that not everyday will be perfect but that we strive to improve ourselves every time we practice. Some days our practice will be great. Some days not so much. Each day we practice a healthy life. Each day we make progress.
Practice also implies that this is an ongoing process. We don't get to a goal and then stop practicing. Because, like any other skill, if we don't continue to practice we will undo all the progress we have achieved. Practicing a healthy life is a life long endeavor.
First of all this ridiculous "support mantra" tries to compare the value of two completely different things!! The taste of food and feeling skinny has NOTHING to do with one another.
Second, I don't want to be 'thin'. Thin is for 8 year olds and runway models.
This 'mantra', if you will, completely discounts the value food plays in our life, socially, physically and physiologically. These are very important factors in achieving a healthy weight.
What this 'mantra' says to me is that if I want to be thin then I can no longer enjoy my food. And if I do enjoy my food then I must not want to be thin that badly. And people wonder why there are so many eating disorders out there.
For my loyal readers you will know what my mantra is....
Consistent Practice equals Consistent Progress
Practice implies that not everyday will be perfect but that we strive to improve ourselves every time we practice. Some days our practice will be great. Some days not so much. Each day we practice a healthy life. Each day we make progress.
Practice also implies that this is an ongoing process. We don't get to a goal and then stop practicing. Because, like any other skill, if we don't continue to practice we will undo all the progress we have achieved. Practicing a healthy life is a life long endeavor.
Perspective
Perspective is the word of the week this week!
I have always been a believer in your perspective in a situation being a great indicator of how that situation will pan out. Negative perspective leads to negative actions based on your emotions. (Because, remember, no emotion is good or bad. Only your actions in response an emotion can be good or bad.) If you go into a situation thinking it is going to royally suck....guess what, it probably will.
I have to admit that my perspective the last few weeks has been pretty negative. Since I am rarely a negative person it has really taken it's toll. On more than one occasion I have woken up thinking, "Man, Kyllian is going to be so difficult today. We have such a busy day planned." You guessed it, he was difficult. More difficult than I would have even expected. Has it just been a rough week all around, or did my negative perspective predetermine our miserable day? Who knows? But what I do know is that I have control over my perspective. I have the power to change how I approach a situation.
Bound by routine = Attention to detail
Obstinate = Determined
Argumentative = Persistent in explaining his point of view
Difficulty transitioning = Follows an activity to the end
Amazing the difference, huh? The former are enough to make you beat you head against the wall. The later would be excellent traits to list on a job application. Yet, they are the same thing!
So this week, I will make an exaggerated effort to catch myself every time I start to have a negative perspective on a situation. Feel free to call me on it if I don't notice.
I have always been a believer in your perspective in a situation being a great indicator of how that situation will pan out. Negative perspective leads to negative actions based on your emotions. (Because, remember, no emotion is good or bad. Only your actions in response an emotion can be good or bad.) If you go into a situation thinking it is going to royally suck....guess what, it probably will.
I have to admit that my perspective the last few weeks has been pretty negative. Since I am rarely a negative person it has really taken it's toll. On more than one occasion I have woken up thinking, "Man, Kyllian is going to be so difficult today. We have such a busy day planned." You guessed it, he was difficult. More difficult than I would have even expected. Has it just been a rough week all around, or did my negative perspective predetermine our miserable day? Who knows? But what I do know is that I have control over my perspective. I have the power to change how I approach a situation.
Bound by routine = Attention to detail
Obstinate = Determined
Argumentative = Persistent in explaining his point of view
Difficulty transitioning = Follows an activity to the end
Amazing the difference, huh? The former are enough to make you beat you head against the wall. The later would be excellent traits to list on a job application. Yet, they are the same thing!
So this week, I will make an exaggerated effort to catch myself every time I start to have a negative perspective on a situation. Feel free to call me on it if I don't notice.
The Power of Positive Thinking
The difference between can and cannot are only three letters. Three letters that determine your life's direction.
Being positive or negative are habits of thoughts that have a very strong influence on life.
Positive and negative are directions. Which direction do you choose?
Positive thinking is expecting, talking and visualizing with certainty what you want to achieve, as an accomplished fact.
Riches, mediocrity and poverty begin in the mind.
Reality is the mirror of your thoughts. Choose well what you put in front of the mirror.
A positive attitude brings strength, energy and initiative.
To think negatively is like taking a weakening drug.
Positive thoughts are not enough. There have to be positive feelings and positive actions.
When you say, "I can't" and expect the worst, you become weak and unhappy.
When you say "I can", and expect success, you fill yourself with confidence and happiness.
You can close the windows and darken your room, and you can open the windows and let light in. It is a matter of choice. Your mind is your room. Do you darken it or do you fill it with light?
Positive thinking and negative thinking are attitudes. They are points of view, and show the way people handle their affairs.
Suppose you stand at a crossroads, one way leads to a desert and the other one to lush meadows, which way do you choose?
Clear thoughts produce produce clear results.
Positive thinking evokes more energy, more initiative and more happiness.
Train your mind to think in terms of 'possible' and 'can be done'.
When you have control over your thoughts, you have control over your life.
Happy thoughts attract happy people into your life.
Happy thoughts fill your life with happiness.
When you change your habitual thoughts, it is like changing the direction of a train.
Affirm the positive, visualize the positive and expect the positive, and your life will change accordingly.
When there are difficulties and you feel down, this is the time to visualize, think and expect the positive.
Do not let circumstances influence your thoughts and moods. By rising over them mentally, you will eventually rise over them materially.
Fill your mind with light, happiness, hope, feelings of security and strength, and soon your life will reflect these qualities.
Being positive or negative are habits of thoughts that have a very strong influence on life.
Positive and negative are directions. Which direction do you choose?
Positive thinking is expecting, talking and visualizing with certainty what you want to achieve, as an accomplished fact.
Riches, mediocrity and poverty begin in the mind.
Reality is the mirror of your thoughts. Choose well what you put in front of the mirror.
A positive attitude brings strength, energy and initiative.
To think negatively is like taking a weakening drug.
Positive thoughts are not enough. There have to be positive feelings and positive actions.
When you say, "I can't" and expect the worst, you become weak and unhappy.
When you say "I can", and expect success, you fill yourself with confidence and happiness.
You can close the windows and darken your room, and you can open the windows and let light in. It is a matter of choice. Your mind is your room. Do you darken it or do you fill it with light?
Positive thinking and negative thinking are attitudes. They are points of view, and show the way people handle their affairs.
Suppose you stand at a crossroads, one way leads to a desert and the other one to lush meadows, which way do you choose?
Clear thoughts produce produce clear results.
Positive thinking evokes more energy, more initiative and more happiness.
Train your mind to think in terms of 'possible' and 'can be done'.
When you have control over your thoughts, you have control over your life.
Happy thoughts attract happy people into your life.
Happy thoughts fill your life with happiness.
When you change your habitual thoughts, it is like changing the direction of a train.
Affirm the positive, visualize the positive and expect the positive, and your life will change accordingly.
When there are difficulties and you feel down, this is the time to visualize, think and expect the positive.
Do not let circumstances influence your thoughts and moods. By rising over them mentally, you will eventually rise over them materially.
Fill your mind with light, happiness, hope, feelings of security and strength, and soon your life will reflect these qualities.
Feel Good Emotions
People say that there are good and bad emotions. For me, emotions are just emotions. It is want you do with those emotions, how you allow them to affect you and how they direct your actions that count. Those emotions that have been deemed “bad” have gotten a bum wrap. Is anger really all that bad? There are plenty of things to be angry about in this world. Is guilt really all that bad? If you are guilty doesn’t that tell you something? Is fear really all that bad? Doesn’t fear have a usefulness?
People constantly try to push away or ignore those emotions that they view as “bad”. I think the reaction to an emotion is far more important. Being angry at someone, in and of itself, is not bad. That person did something to elicit the emotion you are feeling. Ignoring the emotion or pretending it is something it is not is denying yourself of the full potential of the experience. It is denying yourself of the full potential for personal growth. It is the way you channel that feeling that is good or bad. The feeling, itself, is neutral.
For an example from a recent blog post…I became so angered at someone that I literally threw something at them. (It was just in their direction!). It was not the best way to handle the situation. There were many other options. I allowed my emotion of anger to elicit a bad action. This response to my anger is what is bad. The anger, itself, is neutral. On the flip side, if I am angered by some social injustice and I take part in an effort to correct it, I am reacting to my anger in a good way. The anger, itself, is still neutral.
If I feel guilty for something I did, the guilt is just another feeling. It is how I act on that guilt that is good or bad. Am I going to continue to do whatever it is that created the emotion of guilt? Not recognizing guilt and not being open to what guilt is trying to tell you is bad. The guilt, itself, is neutral. Am I going to try to make the situation right? Am I going to make it a point to never do it again? Understanding what guilt is trying to tell you and learning from the experience is good. The guilt, itself, is still neutral.
Fear is an interesting emotion.In many cases we do not even understand the nature of the emotion yet it is so strong that is can overwhelm us. I am terrified of tight spaces. Don’t care for elevators and have to be sedated for an MRI. (I don’t care how “open” the darn thing is!!) I also don’t feel comfortable in large crowds. I can not deny that I have this fear. I have no rational reason for it; it is just there! However my fear is not “bad”. It is just an emotion. It is how I allow my fear to affect my life that is important. Am I going to miss the once in a lifetime concert because I am fearful of crowds? Am I going to miss out on a great experience because I am fearful of tight spaces? Allowing fear to deny you of experience is bad. The fear, itself, is neutral. Yet, fear can also help make you aware of dangerous situations and help you be cautious when caution is prudent. The fear, itself, is still neutral.
For contrast, let’s look at am emotion that is generally deemed “good”. What about happiness? Can happiness ever be “bad”? Happiness can sometimes have a very blinding effect on people. Take this theoretical example, a woman has just found out she is pregnant. She is ecstatic. She could not be happier. It is all she can think about and all she can talk about. Unfortunately, she has been blinded by her happiness and forgets that her friend’s son just died. The upset her happiness has caused her to, unintentionally, inflict on her friend is bad. Happiness, itself, is neutral.
So to categorize emotions as good and bad is pointless. Instead we should focus on what those emotions make us do or say. Be more aware of the result of your emotions. How do those emotions effect your decisions? How do they effect your actions? What choices do you make because of them? What lessons do you learn from them? You might be amazed at how different your outlook is once you accept your emotions and examine the effect they have on the whole.
People constantly try to push away or ignore those emotions that they view as “bad”. I think the reaction to an emotion is far more important. Being angry at someone, in and of itself, is not bad. That person did something to elicit the emotion you are feeling. Ignoring the emotion or pretending it is something it is not is denying yourself of the full potential of the experience. It is denying yourself of the full potential for personal growth. It is the way you channel that feeling that is good or bad. The feeling, itself, is neutral.
For an example from a recent blog post…I became so angered at someone that I literally threw something at them. (It was just in their direction!). It was not the best way to handle the situation. There were many other options. I allowed my emotion of anger to elicit a bad action. This response to my anger is what is bad. The anger, itself, is neutral. On the flip side, if I am angered by some social injustice and I take part in an effort to correct it, I am reacting to my anger in a good way. The anger, itself, is still neutral.
If I feel guilty for something I did, the guilt is just another feeling. It is how I act on that guilt that is good or bad. Am I going to continue to do whatever it is that created the emotion of guilt? Not recognizing guilt and not being open to what guilt is trying to tell you is bad. The guilt, itself, is neutral. Am I going to try to make the situation right? Am I going to make it a point to never do it again? Understanding what guilt is trying to tell you and learning from the experience is good. The guilt, itself, is still neutral.
Fear is an interesting emotion.In many cases we do not even understand the nature of the emotion yet it is so strong that is can overwhelm us. I am terrified of tight spaces. Don’t care for elevators and have to be sedated for an MRI. (I don’t care how “open” the darn thing is!!) I also don’t feel comfortable in large crowds. I can not deny that I have this fear. I have no rational reason for it; it is just there! However my fear is not “bad”. It is just an emotion. It is how I allow my fear to affect my life that is important. Am I going to miss the once in a lifetime concert because I am fearful of crowds? Am I going to miss out on a great experience because I am fearful of tight spaces? Allowing fear to deny you of experience is bad. The fear, itself, is neutral. Yet, fear can also help make you aware of dangerous situations and help you be cautious when caution is prudent. The fear, itself, is still neutral.
For contrast, let’s look at am emotion that is generally deemed “good”. What about happiness? Can happiness ever be “bad”? Happiness can sometimes have a very blinding effect on people. Take this theoretical example, a woman has just found out she is pregnant. She is ecstatic. She could not be happier. It is all she can think about and all she can talk about. Unfortunately, she has been blinded by her happiness and forgets that her friend’s son just died. The upset her happiness has caused her to, unintentionally, inflict on her friend is bad. Happiness, itself, is neutral.
So to categorize emotions as good and bad is pointless. Instead we should focus on what those emotions make us do or say. Be more aware of the result of your emotions. How do those emotions effect your decisions? How do they effect your actions? What choices do you make because of them? What lessons do you learn from them? You might be amazed at how different your outlook is once you accept your emotions and examine the effect they have on the whole.
Children Learn What They Live
I found this on another blog and thought it was great!
Children Learn What They Live
If a child lives with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive,
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves,
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
But do not despair ...
If a child lives with tolerance, they learn to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If a child lives with praise, they learn to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, they live with justice.
If a child lives with security, they live to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, they learn to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship.
they learn to find love in the world.
— Dorothy Law Nolte
Behavior Labeling
If an adult is reinforced for behaving, we call it recognition.
If a child is reinforced for behaving, we call it bribery.
If an adult laughs, we call it socializing.
If a child laughs, we call it misbehaving.
If an adult writes in a book, we call it doodling.
If a child writes in a book, we call it destroying property.
If an adult sticks to something, we call it perseverance.
If a child sticks to something, we call it stubbornness.
If an adult seeks help, we call it consultation.
If a child seeks help, we call it whining.
If an adult is not paying attention, we call it preoccupation.
If a child is not paying attention, we call it being distracted.
If an adult tells his side of the story, we call it clarification.
If a child tells his side of the story, we call it talking back.
Something to think about!
If a child is reinforced for behaving, we call it bribery.
If an adult laughs, we call it socializing.
If a child laughs, we call it misbehaving.
If an adult writes in a book, we call it doodling.
If a child writes in a book, we call it destroying property.
If an adult sticks to something, we call it perseverance.
If a child sticks to something, we call it stubbornness.
If an adult seeks help, we call it consultation.
If a child seeks help, we call it whining.
If an adult is not paying attention, we call it preoccupation.
If a child is not paying attention, we call it being distracted.
If an adult tells his side of the story, we call it clarification.
If a child tells his side of the story, we call it talking back.
Something to think about!
Religion vs Spirituality
How do I get myself into these arguments??? I must attract the religious crazies. Is that a good thing or bad thing??? So here is the gist of the "discussion" I had with someone a bit ago.
Religious Crazy (RC): Well, if you don't believe in God then what religion do you practice?
Me: I am a member of our local UU congregation and consider myself a UU but that doesn't define my beliefs. I prefer to refer to my beliefs as spirituality instead of religion. I don't really like "religion".
RC: I'm confused? Your beliefs ARE your religion. It is the same thing as spirituality. How can you have one without the other?
Me: Easy, they are NOT the same thing!
RC: Yes they are.
Me: They might be for you, but for me they hold distinct differences and I would prefer to never "practice" a religion. I prefer to develop my spirituality.
The conversation came to a screeching halt as the RC spent the next hour scratching her head trying to understand what I was saying. The response I finally got was...
RC: I don't really understand what you are saying but I will be praying for you!!
Oh yippie!! (Actually I do believe in the power of prayer mainly because it almost always is positive in nature and I believe in the power of positive thinking.)
So for all you religious crazies out there, and the regular crazies too, let me elaborate on the topic of religion vs. spirituality...
Religion and spirituality are totally different animals! They are often billed as the same thing. That isn’t the case and they are not dependent on one another. One can be spiritual and not have any affiliation with religion and one can be a devout follower of religion but have no spirituality of which to speak. The problem with religion is that people depend too heavily on it. People buy into the dogma and never really examine what it means, why it exists or how it relates to the World around them. This is where people miss out on spirituality. Religion is easy, spirituality takes work.
Religion requires us to follow as set of rules that were written by someone else. Religion tells us these rules are right because the ‘supreme being of choice’ said so. Religion tells us that there is no need for us to examine their validity because that has been done for us. As long as we follow the rules religion has set forth, then we are free of condemnation for the results of our actions.
Spirituality, on the other hand, requires us to get in touch with our World, cultivate our knowledge, enlighten ourselves and develop our own rules. Spirituality then holds us responsible for how the rules we developed affect the World. Spirituality does not tell us if our rules are correct. That is for us to discover. Spirituality encourages us to continually evaluate our rules and change them if they need adjusting. Spirituality is an ongoing experience, nothing is set in stone. Spirituality requires us to do the work for ourselves. It requires us to think.
Religion eliminates the need for us to get in touch with our governing energy, be it called God, Goddess, Spirit, Creator, etc. Religion provides us with "trained and educated clergy" whose job it is to get in touch with the governing energy and help the lay people to understand. Spirituality requires each of us to shut up and listen to what our specific governing energy is trying to tell us. Religion has caused us to loose touch with the energies that are there to help guide us while we develop our rule book.
After all, the rule book is already written for religion. Spirituality just provides us with blank paper, a pencil and a bottle of white-out because, while religion feels it is infallible, spirituality understands that the search for the correct set of rules is a never ending journey that is bound to takes us on a few wrong turns in the process.
Religious Crazy (RC): Well, if you don't believe in God then what religion do you practice?
Me: I am a member of our local UU congregation and consider myself a UU but that doesn't define my beliefs. I prefer to refer to my beliefs as spirituality instead of religion. I don't really like "religion".
RC: I'm confused? Your beliefs ARE your religion. It is the same thing as spirituality. How can you have one without the other?
Me: Easy, they are NOT the same thing!
RC: Yes they are.
Me: They might be for you, but for me they hold distinct differences and I would prefer to never "practice" a religion. I prefer to develop my spirituality.
The conversation came to a screeching halt as the RC spent the next hour scratching her head trying to understand what I was saying. The response I finally got was...
RC: I don't really understand what you are saying but I will be praying for you!!
Oh yippie!! (Actually I do believe in the power of prayer mainly because it almost always is positive in nature and I believe in the power of positive thinking.)
So for all you religious crazies out there, and the regular crazies too, let me elaborate on the topic of religion vs. spirituality...
Religion and spirituality are totally different animals! They are often billed as the same thing. That isn’t the case and they are not dependent on one another. One can be spiritual and not have any affiliation with religion and one can be a devout follower of religion but have no spirituality of which to speak. The problem with religion is that people depend too heavily on it. People buy into the dogma and never really examine what it means, why it exists or how it relates to the World around them. This is where people miss out on spirituality. Religion is easy, spirituality takes work.
Religion requires us to follow as set of rules that were written by someone else. Religion tells us these rules are right because the ‘supreme being of choice’ said so. Religion tells us that there is no need for us to examine their validity because that has been done for us. As long as we follow the rules religion has set forth, then we are free of condemnation for the results of our actions.
Spirituality, on the other hand, requires us to get in touch with our World, cultivate our knowledge, enlighten ourselves and develop our own rules. Spirituality then holds us responsible for how the rules we developed affect the World. Spirituality does not tell us if our rules are correct. That is for us to discover. Spirituality encourages us to continually evaluate our rules and change them if they need adjusting. Spirituality is an ongoing experience, nothing is set in stone. Spirituality requires us to do the work for ourselves. It requires us to think.
Religion eliminates the need for us to get in touch with our governing energy, be it called God, Goddess, Spirit, Creator, etc. Religion provides us with "trained and educated clergy" whose job it is to get in touch with the governing energy and help the lay people to understand. Spirituality requires each of us to shut up and listen to what our specific governing energy is trying to tell us. Religion has caused us to loose touch with the energies that are there to help guide us while we develop our rule book.
After all, the rule book is already written for religion. Spirituality just provides us with blank paper, a pencil and a bottle of white-out because, while religion feels it is infallible, spirituality understands that the search for the correct set of rules is a never ending journey that is bound to takes us on a few wrong turns in the process.
"I have arrived - I am home - My destination is each step" - Thich Nhat Hanh
Five Remembrances
- I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.
- I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape ill health.
- I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.
- All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.
- My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.
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